First, thank you all SO much for your kind words and encouragement and prayers! They definitely worked!
We went in this morning, prepared to do battle if we needed to, but thankfully the property manager was understanding and, I think, pretty disgusted herself by our issues. She ended by asking what we wanted to do, since they needed to solve the problems in the apartment but wouldn’t be able to overnight. We worked out that we will have 30 days to be officially out, though we can leave sooner if we want. We do. Our goal is two weekends from now. So, it’s good news: we won’t pay the lease-break penalty (just pro-rated rent for February), and we can leave as soon as we’re packed. My parents are generously opening up their basement (and rest of the house) to us for the next few months.
We are relieved that we know where the future lies at least, and we already started collecting some free packing boxes. My google search revealed that the best sources are liquor stores, and that is correct! Stoli, Smirnoff, 3 Olives, Wild Turkey…y’all are taking us out of here! Now, let’s hope the wall rodents sleep tonight so we can, and that any future roaches we come across as we pack at least have the decency to stay far, far away from our persons.